nostalgic for now

A delightful combination of food poisoning followed by a minor cold have left me with ample time and just enough brain power to stare at my television for seven days.

I’m nearing the end of Parks and Rec on my second watch after many years, thinking about how a particular episode felt deeply nostalgic. The episode details Leslie and Ron reconciling their nearly 10 year long relationship after 3 years of growing distance with the final wedge being Ron’s pain, having been unsuccessful in reintegrating into Leslie’s life.

How do I feel nostalgia and sadness for people who don’t exist and their contrived personalities and relationships? because it’s good writing

Nostalgia is a yearning for the past; the safety, familiarity, and comfort of what was contrasted with what is. I experienced seven seasons, or 10 years, of friendship in about seven days on my couch and could readily compare the beginning and the end. With respect to my own life, I can compare where I was (the arcade, every Tuesday because you didn’t need tokens for the arcade cabinets) with where I am (on my couch in Tokyo with a box full of tissues because I can’t breathe out of my nose), and feel a blend of nostalgia all my own, which got me thinking: in the future, will I feel nostalgia for right now?

I wonder: will my subconscious deem this moment worth saving? Will the month- the year I’m presently living exist as a flash of images in a decade from now?

Most things are not worth remembering. If I had to remember every time I sneezed since I was born, I would need more hard drive space. If I needed to store a save-state of every bad mood or argument, it would be hugely wasteful.

what will i remember?

I believe the choice has already been made; I’ll remember emotional highs and lows: reconnecting with old friends after years, my grandma passing, when I figured out what was deeply important to me as an individual, as well as moments of spending significant parts of my life on the wrong things, where the undo button is now greyed out. Moments of sorrow, moments of joy. Moments of belly laughter, and moments of emotional pain which physically disable you.

Taking the time to dial into what it is you actually care about is a necessary labor, but it’s one that can be made simple. I struggle to directly answer the highly charged “what do you care about” question at times, but I do not struggle to list things that have brought me joy in the last 24 hours. When I’m feeling lost, I like to look back at the list and discover that I have already answered that question many times over. Trends begin to emerge over the weeks and months, and you can accordingly attune yourself to this list of curated goodness specifically for you.

Follow those clues. Push yourself toward higher quality experiences. Those experiences will transform into memories with a much stronger footprint, stubbornly refusing to be eroded by time or trivialities.